from the saga of fnc gull
VII
In which fnc gull makes his will and says his last goodbyes
weve been here afore big lad
mind a year or so back i cam tae tak
ma fond fareweels yon wis whit stertit
fnc gull aff oan his epic jaunt tae the new
warld wi aw the ensuin palaver ive been
deavin yir senses wi richt then here i come
again chappin at yir windae no jist bummin
a bite ae elevenses though that wid no be
unwelcome tae yir ever stervin wee pal
goat ony venison sausages a wee reminder
ae ma hielan tour ach weel no tae bother
im jist fur tellin yi im aff
nae kiddin this is it
fareweel a lang fareweel
tae aw the cheery scenes ae urban life
whaur yir gull aboot toon ruled the roost
dispensin wit an wisdom wia gay an
splatterdash abandon movin oan auld freend
thats whit im daein its aff doon the watter
ma purpose hauds tae flee ayont the sunset
maybe owre the pond yince mair cud luik up
big louie and his pals see if theyre back in trim
louie wis tellin me aboot this place hed heard ae
nevir been there but it seemed a paradise fur gulls
frisco bay awa tae the furthest west
cud set ma sichts oan it maybe hitch a lift
no much merr tae be said big fella
its been a privilege pal this last while
jist yin last thing be ma witness
tae thae final wishes here goes
the last testament ae fnc gull yir avian savant
tae ma big generous pal wi the ever open fridge
ma wee pile ae guano oan this hamely windae sill
tae aw ma pals doon the broomielaw an oot tae yoker
ma stash ae goodies doonby if yi kin fin it
captain beaky kens the location
tae lovers ae wit and learning in aw the airts
i leave my scraps ae knowledge aw the unconsidered
trifles ive been snappin up oan my travels
tae a certain wee shady gullerina oan muckle flugga
she kens wha i mean i leave ma macho patter
tae aw the chancers numpties an fearties aroon
this bonnie land i leave an unending supply
ae dumps an splats the true endurin legacy
ae fnc gull tae a receptive warld
wraps it up id say be oan ma wey then
flap aff fae here a gracefu cicuit
ower yir roof and awa
intae the wide ocean ae the air
nae tears big man luik yir last oan fnc gull
hes no fur turnin an aye remember
there is guid news yit tae hear
wi mony a joke an smile
afore we gang tae davy jones
by way uv flannan isle
About this poem
This poem was included in Best Scottish Poems 2009. Best Scottish Poems is an online publication, consisting of 20 poems chosen by a different editor each year, with comments by the editor and poets. It provides a personal overview of a year of Scottish poetry. The editor in 2009 was Andrew Greig.
Editor’s comment:
This whole sequence made me smile. It’s funny, scurrilous, touching even, an unlikely mating of Tom Leonard, Edwin Morgan, ‘Archie and Mehitabel’. Just sound it out and enjoy.
Author’s note:
The saga of fnc gull is made up of two sequences of monologues, supposedly uttered by a very non-PC herring gull in which he gives his outspoken opinions about aspects of life in Scotland, reveals his passion for junk food, and recounts his travels to America and back. The inspiration for the work came from the experience of being dumped on from a height by an effin seagull while walking on Brighton prom – hence our hero’s name, “fnc gull”. The language of the work is basically urban West of Scotland, modified by the gull’s experiences in different parts of Scotland and elsewhere, and it is liberally sprinkled with literary references and scraps of knowledge picked up by fnc gull in the course of a probably disreputable career. Consequently a few notes of explanation have been added to the book. The monologue chosen for inclusion deals with fnc gull’s final farewells and departure from the urban scene, perhaps for ever.
