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  • humour
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humour

A Scotch Night - by Will H. Ogilvie

{ Poem }

If you chance to strike a gathering of half-a-dozen friends
/ When the drink is Highland whusky or some chosen Border blends,
/ And…

Don’t Hesitate to Ask - by Michel Faber

{ Poem }

So many of the people I’ve
/ informed that she is dead
/ have said
/ ‘If there’s anything
/ we can do, anything at all,
/ don’t hesitate…

What Not to Write on the Back Jacket of Your Debut Collection - by Helena Nelson

{ Poem }

This book is not bad.
/ A number of these poems feature the poet’s dog: George.
/ The author’s mother recommends this book.
/ Boris Johnson…

The Conversion of Sheep - by Hugh McMillan

{ Poem }

When St Fillian first came upon the sheep
/ they stood with their Sumerian heads
/ and stared him out…

Enquiry Desk - by Andy Jackson

{ Poem }

Do you have the one
/ with that poem they read at the funeral
/ in that movie?…

Scotland the Wee - by Tom Buchan

{ Poem }

Scotland the wee, crèche of the soul,
/ of thee I sing
/
/ land of the millionaire draper, whisky vomit
/ and the Hillman Imp
/
/ staked…

Late Call - by Diana Hendry

{ Poem }

Lord, this is pip-squeak calling.
/ Even with your infinite technology
/ I expect your line’s busy. Therefore
/ forgive me my witter, tucked…

It’s been - by Gael Turnbull

{ Poem }

It’s been a long time
all the time we’ve spent
and we’ve had such times

Thursday - by Douglas Dunn

{ Poem }

Gave yet another lecture. God, I’m boring.
/ Said all the same old things I’ve said before
/ With touches of ‘however-ing’ and ‘therefore-ing’.
/ Dear…

Chronos - by Alan Jackson

{ Poem }

A man wi’ a great big beard
/ A met;
/ Said: ‘Don’t be feared
/ If ye get wet.
/
/ Run twenty years
/ On nature’s…

GP Talk - by Ruth Arnison

{ Poem }

Her GP told her, it’s important
/ to start looking for special accommodation
/ for when the time comes.
/
/ Parkinsons makes her slow…

Why Did You Become A Doctor? - by Miles Burrows

{ Poem }

I originally wanted to be a witch
/ Sitting inside a Leiden jar
/ In the pathology museum.
/ My fallback application
/ Was to be one of…

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Scottish Poetry Library
5 Crichton's Close, Canongate
Edinburgh EH8 8DT
Tel: +44 (0)131 557 2876
© Scottish Poetry Library 2021.
The Scottish Poetry Library is a registered charity (No. SCO23311).
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