What to wear to a wedding when you hate the bride and groom and other passive aggressive acts - by
Awful, just terrible, isn’t it dreadful, the feeling I get when I think about
you.
humour
A Scotch Night - by
If you chance to strike a gathering of half-a-dozen friends
/ When the drink is Highland whusky or some chosen Border blends,
/ And…
Don’t Hesitate to Ask - by
So many of the people I’ve
/ informed that she is dead
/ have said
/ ‘If there’s anything
/ we can do, anything at all,
/ don’t hesitate…
What Not to Write on the Back Jacket of Your Debut Collection - by
This book is not bad.
/ A number of these poems feature the poet’s dog: George.
/ The author’s mother recommends this book.
/ Boris Johnson…
The Conversion of Sheep - by
When St Fillian first came upon the sheep
/ they stood with their Sumerian heads
/ and stared him out…
Enquiry Desk - by
Do you have the one
/ with that poem they read at the funeral
/ in that movie?…
Scotland the Wee - by
Scotland the wee, crèche of the soul,
/ of thee I sing
/
/ land of the millionaire draper, whisky vomit
/ and the Hillman Imp
/
/ staked…
Late Call - by
Lord, this is pip-squeak calling.
/ Even with your infinite technology
/ I expect your line’s busy. Therefore
/ forgive me my witter, tucked…
It’s been - by
It’s been a long time
all the time we’ve spent
and we’ve had such times
Thursday - by
Gave yet another lecture. God, I’m boring.
/ Said all the same old things I’ve said before
/ With touches of ‘however-ing’ and ‘therefore-ing’.
/ Dear…
Chronos - by
A man wi’ a great big beard
/ A met;
/ Said: ‘Don’t be feared
/ If ye get wet.
/
/ Run twenty years
/ On nature’s…
GP Talk - by
Her GP told her, it’s important
/ to start looking for special accommodation
/ for when the time comes.
/
/ Parkinsons makes her slow…