Wattie Presents
It’s no ayeweys hunky dory up here, ye ken. A get run aff ma feet sometimes when they’re aw wantin a new ballad or a bit o Minstrelsey. A’m a kinna heavenly ex-pat mind ye, miss ma big hoose at Abbotsford. Mibbe it’s an Air b & b noo. But A’m a permanent resident here. Nae Brexit up here sendin folk back hame. Oh aye, when Peter opent thae Pearly Gates fir me, A wis weel ready, ma gammy leg wis playin up something awfy An A goat a wee bit doolally, tae be honest. But, fae whaur A’m luikin, auld Nor Britain cuid be daein wi me richt noo. Yoonion troubles? Whit a boorach. A wid sort that yin oot nae bother. Oh,a ye, A’ve chynged ma tune oan aw that. A’d wheech Scotlan oot o it noo if A hid the chance. A’d be scrievin a new Ootlander. Speir ma pal the Duke if we cuid hae it in the Borders. Dae wonders fir the national psyche. An tourism. An railweys? A’ve only got the wan named efter me, bit A cuid hae a few mair. Aye, mak them prood tae be gan it alane. Wan Nation wan Britain! Who dae thae think they’re kiddin. An who wants a nuclear sub up the Clyde? No me. Oor sublime Hielan landscape, oor derk lochs an castles still mak me that prood, bit A’m no happy at aw aboot it aw bein a playgrun fir thaim an such as thaim. Between wirsels, A didnae ken whit A wis thinkin o back in the days. An listen tae me? Ma Voice? A’d be doon sooth wi ma Scots noo. A’d hiv aw ma characters spikin Scots, no jist the wee workin class folk an perjink English fir the Uppers. An George the Fourth visitin thon time. A’m fair embarrassed noo tae mind on it. A get a reddie every time A mind on ma rinnin aboot whippin us aw up tae a frenzy in kilts and fine claiths. Luik at it noo when the Windsors visit...enough said. Oh an whit’s this aboot Wattie Presents. It’s ma new telly programm. A seen thir wis wan cried Walter Presents an thocht noo thair’s the verra thing fir me. Ma ain channel. Oh aye, an A’d mak a job o it. Aw done fae Scotlan. Aye, we’re mair nor a kiltie oan a shortbreid tin. Magician o the North? A’d be pure dead magic. A micht no a been aw that bricht at the scuil bit ma heid’s screwed oan. Thon Curriculum fir Excellence micht o suited me as a boay. Aw aye, loved ma stories an ma lanscapes. Richt, A’m aff. Got a wee zoom readin wi a few bonnie angels, mibbe sing them Flooer o Scotlan. Wish A’d written that masel, fine tune. See youse aw sometime, meanwhile keep wavin yer Saltires. Wattie Scott (previously kent as Sir Walter Scott)
