Skip to content

Scottish Poetry Library

Register/Sign in
Shopping Bag Shopping Bag
Bringing people and poems together
  • Home
  • Poetry
    • Poets
    • Poems
    • Makar – National Poet
      • Our Waking Breath: A Poem-letter from Scotland to Ukraine
      • A Woman’s A Woman
      • The story of the Makar – National Poet of Scotland
    • Best Scottish Poems
    • Spiorad an Àite
      Spirit of Place
    • The Trysting Thorns
    • Poetry Ambassadors
      Tosgairean na Bàrdachd
      • Poetry Commissions: Walter Scott 250
        Coimiseanan Bàrdachd: Walter Scott 250
      • Poetry Ambassadors 2021
    • Posters
    • Podcasts
  • Library
    • Become a borrower
    • Catalogue
    • Collections
    • Ask a librarian
    • Copyright enquiries
  • Learning
    • SQA set texts
    • Learning resources
    • Designing sensory poetry activities
    • Children’s poems in Scots
    • National Poetry Day archive
    • New to poetry?
    • Advice for poets
  • Events
    • What’s On
    • Meeting rooms and venue hire
    • Exhibitions
  • Shop
    • Poetry Highlights
    • Entropie Books
    • Stichill Marigold Press
    • Poems for Doctors, Nurses & Teachers
    • Scottish Poetry
    • Poetry Pamphlet Cards
    • Help
  • About us
    • Our story
    • Our people
    • Company Papers & Policies
    • Our projects
    • Our building
    • FAQs
    • Find us
  • Support us
    • Become a Friend
    • Donate
  • Blog
Shopping BagShopping Bag
Ask a librarian
  • Home
  • >
  • Poetry
  • >
  • Liz Niven
  • >
  • Wattie Presents
Donate Donate icon Ask a Librarian Ask a Librarian icon

Wattie Presents

Liz Niven

It’s no ayeweys  hunky dory up here, ye ken.
A get run aff ma feet sometimes when they’re aw wantin a new ballad or a bit o Minstrelsey.
A’m a kinna heavenly ex-pat mind ye, miss ma big hoose at Abbotsford. Mibbe it’s an Air b & b noo.
But  A’m a permanent resident here. Nae Brexit up here sendin folk back hame.
Oh aye, when Peter opent thae Pearly Gates fir me,
A wis weel ready, ma gammy leg wis playin up something awfy
An A goat a wee bit doolally, tae be honest.
But, fae whaur A’m luikin, auld Nor Britain cuid be daein wi me richt noo.
Yoonion troubles? Whit a boorach. A wid sort that yin oot nae bother.
Oh,a ye, A’ve chynged ma tune oan aw that. A’d wheech Scotlan oot o it noo if A hid the chance.
A’d be scrievin a new Ootlander. Speir ma pal the Duke if we cuid hae it in the Borders.
Dae wonders fir the national psyche. An tourism.
An railweys? A’ve only got the wan named efter me, bit A cuid hae a few mair.
Aye, mak them prood tae be gan it alane. Wan Nation wan Britain! Who dae thae think they’re kiddin. 
An who wants a nuclear sub up the Clyde? No me. Oor sublime Hielan landscape, oor derk lochs an castles still mak me that prood, bit A’m no happy at aw aboot it aw bein a playgrun fir thaim an such as thaim.
Between wirsels, A didnae ken whit A wis thinkin o back in the days.
An listen tae me? Ma Voice? A’d be doon sooth wi ma Scots noo. 
A’d hiv aw ma characters spikin Scots, no jist the wee workin class folk an perjink English fir the Uppers.
An George the Fourth visitin thon time. A’m fair embarrassed noo tae mind on it. A get a reddie every time A mind on ma rinnin aboot whippin us aw up tae  a frenzy in kilts and fine claiths. Luik at it noo when the Windsors visit...enough said.
Oh an whit’s this aboot Wattie Presents. It’s ma new telly programm. A seen thir wis wan cried Walter Presents  an thocht noo thair’s the verra thing fir me. Ma ain channel. Oh aye, an A’d mak a job o it. Aw done fae Scotlan. Aye, we’re mair nor a kiltie oan a shortbreid tin. Magician o the North? A’d be pure dead magic.
 
A micht no a been aw that bricht at the scuil bit ma heid’s screwed oan. Thon Curriculum fir Excellence micht o suited me as a boay. Aw aye, loved ma stories an ma lanscapes.
Richt, A’m aff. Got a wee zoom readin wi a few bonnie angels, mibbe sing them Flooer o Scotlan. Wish A’d written that masel, fine tune.
See youse aw sometime, meanwhile keep wavin yer Saltires.
Wattie Scott (previously kent as Sir Walter Scott)

Liz Niven

Tags:

Scots Walter Scott 250

Listen

Share this
Facebook
Twitter
Email

Learn more

Liz Nivenb.1952

Liz Niven is a poet, editor and writer who has worked to support the use of the Scots language in education and in creative writing.
More about Liz Niven

Podcasts

Our audio programme of poets, poems and news for you to listen to.
Listen Now

Newsletter

Sign up for our regular email newsletter.
Subscribe now
  • Newsletter signup
  • Accessibility
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
Scottish Poetry Library
5 Crichton's Close, Canongate
Edinburgh EH8 8DT
Tel: +44 (0)131 557 2876
© Scottish Poetry Library 2022.
The Scottish Poetry Library is a registered charity (No. SCO23311).
City of Edinburgh logo Green Arts Initiative logo Creative Scotland logo
Scottish Poetry Library