The Autistic Experience

Sometimes at night
Without all the noise and lights, the sound and PEOPLE
I can finally hear and see the world.
So I stay up in the quiet hours with just enough
light from the moon to finally breathe.
My head can finally process and I can finally feel
everything I usually keep down.
I go through what he said, what she said and wonder
how I hurt your feelings…. You asked a question and I gave an
honest answer but I guess that’s not what you’re supposed to do.
That’s what mum says anyway.
And then I think about the fact that you get mad because
I can’t look you in the eye but that doesn’t mean I’m not listening.
My leg shaking or hand flapping doesn’t mean I don’t comprehend.
And just because I can’t talk to you doesn’t mean I don’t WANT to.
High functioning low functioning no functioning,
Who said it was for you to choose
How I cope with the world?
So my weighted blankets keep me down to stop me flying away
My earphones trap me inside and everyone else OUT so
your shouting and chewing and stomping can’t hurt me.
I have my safe places and people to protect me in the unknown.
And I try again tomorrow.
And the day after.