The Shopping Forecast

The Shopping Forecast issued by the Dole Office
at 1930 on Monday 1st January.

There are warnings of Sales in Frasers,
Debenhams, Esslemont and Macintosh.

The general Shopping List at 1300:

Iceland, North Utsire, South Utsire.
10p off at Iceland, while stocks last.
Lurpak £1.06 decreasing 5 or 6p
by 1300 tomorrow.
North it’s dearer, south it’s dearer.

Faeroes, Cromarty Co-op
Fisherman’s Friends reduced
to tears. Automatic Lighthouse
on the blink. 40 watt
lightbulbs sold out.

German Bite, Biscuit, Thin as Air.
Strudels, Hob Nobs, 5p off.
Peckish, becoming famished 1 or 2
Decreasing 3 or 4
dress sizes.
Gail, forced, ate.

Isle of Jura, Baileys, Rhum.
70p off 70cl.
Westerly, veering uncertainly.
Becoming paralytic after 6 or 7.
Occasional slurring.
Dribble.
Poorly later.

Hiking, Base Rate, Robber Bank.
Variable, becoming high.
Extortionate for a time. APR 20 or 30.
Mastercard and Visa low.
Hard rain. Overdraft increasing 100%
Poor.

Viking, Forties, GSOH.
Low, 100 miles south of Shetland.
WLTM Siren or Silkie.
No mermaids.
Rising Northwesterly
in anticipation.

That is the end of the Shopping Forecast.