Hope
1
Hope feels like a cold glass of Coke on a hot day,
dancing in a field, sun shining off my bottle.
Walking in the sun after a hard day’s graft,
headphones on, drinking beer. Nostalgia
as I walk past the club. People stumbling and laughing.
Fresh cut grass under bare feet. Those smells: fresh cut hedges and grass,
newly laid tar. BBQ, morning dew, morning after the campfire,
when it rains after a few hot days.
2
Like sharing a family meal at the table, the whole family there,
enjoying the food mum has cooked.
A boiled egg to dip my toasted soldiers in.
A hot drink in a polystyrene cup,
a cake enjoyed from a bakery.
A Morton’s middle roll wae bacon and egg and the yolk runs down your chin.
The sound of a packet of Rice Crispies at your door in the morning.
A big rib-eye steak. One I just can’t complete. But one day
I hope to share it with ma mammy.
A pint of Guinness. Num Num.
3
A Christmas present that’s still wrapped up.
Mum finally saying she told people
she was proud of me. Finding my son
waiting in the car park upon my release.
You feel wanted. Like being surrounded
by your loved ones again, happy at home.
My family bubble. Family and friends again.
My family backing me. No way can I give up now.
4
Hope feels like love: once you have it you never want to lose it.
Like a reason to live after losing my first born son.
The light in your child’s eyes
when they see you come to pick them up from school.
Watching the new generation grow up.
The light in the darkness that grows stronger with every step you take
the light of positivity, that guides us through life.
The light you can see near the end.
The light in the dark of a trauma-ridden life.
You can see a clear pathway through the clutter in your head,
like you’re confident.
Like there’s someone there,
a friend to chat to when you’re lonely,
to catch you when you fall…
5
It’s far away like getting out.
A long corridor full of unopened doors.
The door being unlocked for the last time.
Standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus
waiting forever for something and finally getting it.
Embarking on a journey with an unknown destination,
any destination you want
looking back but moving forward
the best direction to a better place
back in the saddle, refusing to give up
to get there in the end
no matter what roadblocks are set up in front of you
knowing good things can happen.
6
Hope feels like a ferlie o deicht whan barkin an fleein
a fiercely joyous reclamation of life.
An arctic hare communion in the dead of night
choreographing a vision of Scotland.
A worldwide gathering of life, new life.
Like a pardon and living what life you have left gracefully.
A dream of a better time, our future is delight,
a whisper in the wind,
a bird in the sky
a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
7
Hope makes me feel paranoid,
an empty word.
Like it’s so fucking far away.
A cry for help.
Desperate,
a form of delusion.
The comforting blanket that soothes the anxious mind.
A bookend looking for a large dictionary.
Hope feels like love:
a disappointment sometimes,
something yet to happen
like new beginnings.
A means to keep fighting for peace;
a straw for which I’m clutching.
A fighting chance!
Feels sometimes hopeless.
Like warm sunlight on a cold day.
Waiting for the rain to end.
or Christmas to come.
The first page of a book.
Under the munelicht
dawn after a dark night
close but not quite yet
like the start of recovery.
The light shining in a dark place
but you don’t know when the tunnel ends!
Dawn after night
keeps coming back.
The ground we walk
finding the path
A spiritual awakening.
The reason to go on in life.
8
Like a faraway thought
a million miles away from reality
- a fading photograph.
Like benmaist gleids o the licht in ilka airt.
Bouncing back from all the failures,
the opposite of never.
Faith, family, an empty room,
guidance from god
making me no longer feel the dread.
Like feeling safe when you look up into the sky
watching the snow come down heavy
so peaceful and mindful.
A strong red sun slowly sinking down
into a dark horizon:
A sunset dinner with my soulmate.
Like my new tattoo is getting respect.
Being substance free
and living happily.
A breath of fresh air
on a cold winter’s morning
the wind in your face.
Joy in a smile a milestone met.
Back on the ocean
salt water spraying in my face.
Having a chance at achieving something.
Finally I can see it all coming together
I hope!
About this poem
After curating several collective poems created from lines of poetry sent in by the public, Kathleen was asked to curate a collective poem using lines of poetry submitted by prisoners studying creative writing in learning centres throughout Scotland’s prisons. One of the Team Leaders who works for Fife College and is based in prison learning centres put a request in for the Makar to help complete this project. There was a great response from everyone involved and Kathleen was able to create an emotive poem.
Many thanks to Fife College for getting this project underway.
