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  • A brief format to be used when consulting with patients
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A brief format to be used when consulting with patients

Glenn Colquhoun

The patient will talk.

The doctor will talk.

The doctor will listen while
the patient is talking.

The patient will listen while
the doctor is talking.

The patient will think that the doctor
knows what the doctor is talking about.

The doctor will think that the patient
knows what the patient is talking about.

The patient will think that the doctor
knows what the patient is talking about.

The doctor will think that the patient
knows what the doctor is talking about.

The doctor will be sure.
The patient will be sure.

The patient will be sure.
The doctor will be sure.

Shouldn’t hurt a bit, should it?


Glenn Colquhoun

from Playing God: Poems about medicine (Steele Roberts, 2002)
Reproduced by permission of the publisher.

Tags:

doctors and nurses humour irony medicine New Zealand poetry Tools of the Trade

About this poem

I love the consultation. It is the high altar of medicine. God and priest and man all in the same place at the same time, no-one knowing who is who and someone always roaming around. It strikes me how much is assumed within it and how most of the time those assumptions are accurate…most of the time.

Glenn Colquhoun

This poem is included in the second and third editions of Tools of the Trade: Poems for new doctors (Scottish Poetry Library, 2016 & 2019). The anthology was edited by Kate Hendry; Dr Lesley Morrison, GP; Dr John Gillies, GP and Chair, Royal College of GPs in Scotland (2010-2014); Revd Ali Newell, and Lilias Fraser/Samuel Tongue. A copy of the first edition was given to all graduating doctors in Scotland in 2014 and 2015, and with support from RCGPS and the Medical and Dental Defence Union of Scotland, to all graduating doctors in 2016, 2017 and 2018. We are very grateful for the individual donations which funded the cost of this anthology, and to the Deans of the Scottish medical schools who made it possible to give the books to their graduating students.

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Glenn Colquhounb.1964

Glenn Colquhoun is a doctor, poet and children's writer. His family has roots in Luss. His great-great-grandfather grew up in Edinburgh, but nothing much is known of his life except that he ran away to New Zealand in the...
More about Glenn Colquhoun

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